Getting Over “I Got It”

Asking For Help

In today’s world, we’re all about ambition, we’re all about excelling and being independent in whatever we do. But many, particularly many women, still believe that asking for help is a sign of weakness, ignorance, or incompetence. As a result, they choose to struggle along on their own, boldly declaring “I got this” when they really, truly, don’t. Today’s guest, Elayne Fluker, wants to push back against this kind of thinking, by teaching people how to build their own networks, make meaningful connections, and understand how getting a little support can actually help them achieve their dreams. Here, she explains:

  • What "I Got It" Syndrome is;
  • The reasons why it occurs;
  • How the "Anchors" and "Engines" in your lives can impact the achievement of your goals; and
  • Ways you can make space in your life for support!

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Inspiration For Getting Over “I Got It”

  • Everyone goes through their own struggles when it comes to asking for help, and Ms. Fluker was no exception. She coined her experience “‘I Got It’ Syndrome” and wrote a book to help people understand that it is acceptable to ask for help when working to achieve goals. 


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“I Got It” Syndrome

  • “I Got It” Syndrome is defined as the idea that many of us believe we have to achieve things on our own. Without even thinking, many people will say “I got it!” instead of asking for or accepting help.
  • There are three reasons why this occurs:
  • We are defensive
    • We feel as if we are being talked down to or we are being belittled when support is offered.
  • We are defiant
    • We feel as if we need to do things on our own and don’t need support based on things like established position in the workplace or perceived reputation.
  • We are defeated
    • We feel as if asking for help shows that we have failed and were not able to accomplish our task individually, so others must help us do it.

“I Got It” Syndrome Is Not Gender-Exclusive

  • While Ms. Fluker’s book often focuses on the struggles women face when needing to ask for help and accept support, men also go through the exact same struggles.
  • When asking for help, many people feel as if it is a sign of weakness or failure, and with the current gender equity landscape in America, Ms. Fluker wants to support everyone who struggles with those ideas, but focuses on women due to the systemic fact that there is commonly a difference in equity between men and women in the American workplace. 

“You Can Have It All” - But Can We?

  • It is important for us to define our “all” for ourselves, because everyone’s “all” is different.
  • With things like social media and the amount of connectivity available today, it can be very easy to get caught up in other people’s “all” - but the goals, successes, and failures of others should have no effect on your goals, successes, and failures.
  • Sometimes we can get so caught up in what we are doing, we forget to slow down and ask ourselves: “Do I even really want this?”
  • Sometimes your “all” can be about what you want to gain, as well as what you want to lose.
  • Some questions to ask yourself when finding what what your “all” is:
    • What really matters to you?
    • What brings you joy?
    • What makes you feel whole?
    • What lights you up?
    • What kind of things do you want to let go of?
  • There is a very helpful worksheet on that helps you define what is important to YOU. This is meant to help you define your “all” and begin to work toward that goal. 

Downsides Of “I Got It” Syndrome

  • “I Got It” Syndrome prevents you from presenting your true, authentic self.
  • The syndrome can be detrimental to your peace of mind. 
  • Overcoming “I Got It” Syndrome is not only important for achieving goals and ambitions, but it is also essential to creating and maintaining a healthy mental state. 

Making Space For Support

  • Ms. Fluker has created the acronym “H.E.L.P.” to explain how we can all make space for support
    • Having it all doesn’t mean doing it all alone.
      • Many people may struggle to do things alone and ask for help because of personal reasons or a perceived perception of what asking for help means. 
    • Make Empowered asks. 
      • You shouldn’t be asking yourself things like “Why haven't I accomplished my goals yet?,” “Why aren’t I successful right now?,” etc.
      • Empowered questions are things like “What am I not seeing?,” “Who can I ask for help and advice?,” “What can I do to learn from this?,” etc.
    • Let go of the “how” and live the question. 
      • We must get to the point where we can live the empowered questions we ask and move away from how we are going to accomplish our goals. 
      • Each empowered question we ask can be helpful in having a productive and clear mindset to achieve those goals. 
    • Believe in the Possibilities.
      • You must be able to believe that the positive outcomes of this process will happen. 

The Language Of The Ask

  • Our cultural history can impact on our ability to ask for help.
  • We may have stereotypes and perceptions about what it means to ask for help that prevent us from seeking support.
  • Ms. Fluker’s “H.E.L.P.” acronym is one way to learn the language of the ask. 

Anchors & Engines

  • Anchors are people in your life who keep you grounded. They keep you locked into what is comfortable and don’t always support your ambitions positively. 
    • Note that Anchors are not “haters” - they are often loved ones who serve as anchors out of fear and love, to keep you safe. 
  • Engines are people who support you, who coach you, and who encourage you to chase your dreams and ambitions to the fullest extent. These people will always hold you to your own highest of standards.
  • A person can be both an anchor and an engine for you at different points in your life. 
    • People are not glued to one label or the other, and it can be fluid over time.
    • It’s important to identify who falls within each category in your life, so you can get the encouragement and counsel you need.

Infrastructure For Support

  • There are many sources of support available, but ensuring that you have at least one and ideally more BEFORE an issue arises is of paramount importance.
  • If a situation arises in which you need to ask for help and support and there are no support sources already established, that can lead you to a dark place emotionally, spiritually, and motivationally. 
  • Personal coaches and mentors are great sources of support that can always be around and available when needed.
  • Friends and family are also great options for support, as long as they can be identified as such well before an issue comes up. 

Ask For Help At Work - Support In Corporate Culture

  • It is important to create an environment in which people feel comfortable bringing their needs to work.
  • If people are trying to figure out issues at work on their own without support, it can impact their work - so it benefits employers to ensure that their employees are supported. 
  • Support is also an important concept for reducing turnover. If employees feel supported, there will be less turnover among employees.
  • A good strategy is for leaders to show employees that they face similar struggles and need support as well. When a leader demonstrates vulnerability it can be a great way to foster an environment of support.

Chic Rebellion Media

  • Chic Rebellion Media works to help thought leaders to build their thought leadership and amplify their voices.
  • Ms. Fluker tends to work with female entrepreneurs who want to share their message through any different kind of media - book, podcast, website, etc.
  • They have book collaborators and helpful people to help build different mediums to help people have their thoughts and voices heard. 
  • Another part of the business is working with companies directly on DEI (diversity, equity, & inclusion) measures within their workplace. 
    • This includes building an authentic commitment to improving and supporting DEI efforts within businesses of all sizes. 

The “Support Is Sexy” Podcast

  • The podcast began with Ms. Fluker and some of her friends creating a space where young female entrepreneurs can share their experiences and thoughts freely.
  • She has interviewed over 500 women on her podcast and it has allowed her to promote and celebrate female entrepreneurs’ stories.
  • You can listen here

Elayne Fluker Background


Elayne Fluker’s email:

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